@Tadicles: When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music" , but when I do it I'm "wasted" and "have to leave the Hardware Store"
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@UncleDuke1969: Frankenstein: Master go fishing? Igor: Yes. F: Master take worms? I: Yes. F: Master put on hook? I: Yup. F: Hehe...Master ba- I: Just don't.
@jwoodham: "How dare you accuse us of cheating?" said the Patriots, struggling to get a jersey on the giant robot tiger that Katy Perry rode in on.
@lakeanagirl: I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That's it. No more reading!
@murrman5: *wife sees me grab emergency kit from trunk after getting a flat tire* calm down brent just call a tow tru*I'm already shooting flare gun*