@Tadicles: When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music" , but when I do it I'm "wasted" and "have to leave the Hardware Store"
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@Amburglar_: My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
@stevevsninjas: Shout out to countless marine organisms who died, accreted on the seafloor, and compacted for eons so I could drive my Escalade to Kmart.
@lm_GrumpyCat: I'm not saying I hate you, I'm just saying that if you got hit by a bus, I would be driving that bus.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Movie tickets for 4: $56 Popcorn: $16 Hot dogs: $20 Sodas: $14 Candy: $15 Parking: $5 Seeing the smiles on your family's faces: $126