@Tadicles: When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music" , but when I do it I'm "wasted" and "have to leave the Hardware Store"
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@Whatevah_Amy: If anyone breaks in, I take comfort in knowing they'll never get past the 20 pairs of shoes in the hallway.
@Eatingmeals: The women at the club tonight are so unapproachable. Getting discouraged. Good thing mom is here to tell everyone what a super guy I am.
@FrogAvalanche: *inside camp-out tent* "Wanna hear-" *puts torch under chin* "-a scary story?" *flicks torch on, it vibrates* "OMG. ITS. NOT. A. TORCH."
@SenatorBigfoot: Alright, alright. You can all have jet packs! [two days later] Reporter: Another 8000 dead today due to sky rage.