@robsan40: When Moses came down with the Commandments, It was the greatest Retweet in History.
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@sixfootcandy: My neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the crazy naked lady and I'm the only one not invited. Weird.
@SideOfWine: Just as bugs are drawn to bright lights, so are my toes drawn inexplicably to hard objects.
@ArfMeasures: WIFE: You forgot my birthday again didn't you? ME: [putting wrapping paper round the cat] Goddammit, I told you not to turn round yet Janet