@onelongbender: When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren't my kids but he'd never fire a Mom of seven, right?
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@KateQFunny: TIP: Always carry a motorcycle helmet with u. Then u never have to do your hair & u can blame it on safety & the law & stuff. #lifehacks
@junejuly12: If you want some alone time, tell your husband that you're going to watch the Bachelor. Even if you're not.
@moose_chocolate: I'm a slow runner unless I think I left my phone unlocked in the next room, in which case I'm Usain Bolt.
@randomlawless: When you get to my age, your milkshake still brings boys to the yard, but they're like "I'm lactose intolerant."