@TheMichaelRock: When my car starts making weird noises I just assume it's becoming a Transformer.
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@themiltron: FRIEND: What 3 books would you have on a desert island? ME: My first book is more books. F: What? These aren’t wish— M: Second book’s a TV.
@DannyZuker: Never had a gay thought in my life but when Daniel Craig jumps onto the back of the train & adjusts his cuff I now kind of get it.
@jctwritesstuff: The war on Christmas? Yeah, I started it. But in my defense, maybe Santa warns a person before his home invasion and I don't take him out.