@ChillE_ConCarne: When my child is born I'll paint flames on him so when I stand with the other parents at the nursery I can say "Thats my son. The fast one."
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@Adar79Angie: Dude, I'd love to go out with you, but this one person 80s dance party in my living room isn't going to host itself.
@OutrageousM: "What's a good gift for someone who has everything?" Meth. Next year they'll have nothing it'll be easier.
@DearAuntAbby: I need to pick up a random hunky guy in a bar, bring him home, have him invite a friend, and THEN mention that I need furniture rearranged