@onedumbshark: When my doctor diagnosed me with surrealism I didn't know what to candle wax forest upside down volcano coffin.
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@trevso_electric: If your Facebook picture is a photo of a sunset or something inanimate, I'll assume you have a dissociative identity disorder.
@PhoenixRises69: Asked my 65yo mom what she'd like for Christmas and she said "Surprise me". Hope she likes her new pet python.
@tehaveragejoel: "will..." *Starbucks barista squints at name on cup* "... the Red Slime Shoddy please stand up?" *Eminem flips table and storms out*
@Lamalover2: Are you surprised at life in general or is that just the way you plucked your eyebrows?