@onedumbshark: When my doctor diagnosed me with surrealism I didn't know what to candle wax forest upside down volcano coffin.
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@DanMentos: “Hello, 912” wait did u say 912? “yup” I meant to dial 911 “happens all the time” lol I’m such a goof “haha right?” my neighbor got stabbed
@jewfacekilla: MTVs Teen Mom has been cancelled. At least one person on that network knows when to pull out.
@Faux_Ma: My Daughter wants a Cinderella-themed party, so I invited all her friends over and made them clean my house.