@molly7anne: when my dog starts eating grass I tell him “no bud that will make you pukey” but he’s seen me down tequila like I’m trying to dissolve my intestines so he can eat a little roadside salad
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@MelKassel: *pulling up to toll both with megaphone in hand* Booth operator: ma'am please not again Me: someBODY once tolled me—
@Aspersioncast: My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.
@Smethanie: A really effective car insurance ad would just show pics of Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes and say: Because these girls have licenses.