@buhsbaby_baby: When my dogs crawl into bed with me, I like to pretend it's because they love me and not because I am sleeping in their dog bed on the floor
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@DopeyTweeter: Fight Club: Teaches you how imaginary friends can become more popular than you are.
@KeetPotato: pilot: [via intercom] if you dont shut up back there i will stop this plane co-pilot: [quieter] wont it fall out the sky pilot: not now gary
@kelownagoose: Bought 17 a fanny pack for back to school to delay my becoming a grandfather too early.
@TheBoydP: The ruling that legal papers can now be "served" on Facebook is ridiculous. Don't they know the people they're looking for are on twitter?