@aveuaskew: When my evening plans are ruined, I pay it forward by texting "I'm pregnant" to random numbers.
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@PsychoCesc: The awkward moment when someone's zipper is down & you don't know whether to tell, because you can't explain why you were looking that low.
@SamuelHLowe: That awkward moment when someone is washing dishes and you slowly put your glass in the sink.
@KeetPotato: [tv commercial] me: "know what i'd love for breakfast?" mum: "what's that son?" me: "if someone pre-chewed my food" narrator: "porridge"