@aveuaskew: When my evening plans are ruined, I pay it forward by texting "I'm pregnant" to random numbers.
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@Reverend_Scott: Superman's Google searches: "Strongest hero" "Strongest hero. Not Hulk" "Fastest hero" "Fastest hero. Not Flash" "Phone booth for sale"
@TimB5150: I miss the days if you were angry while on the phone, you could slam it down without costing $400!
@AndyAsAdjective: coworker: those are some crazy socks me: well I guess th- socks: THE GOVERNMENT RECORDS ALL OF OUR PHONE CALLS & IS HIDING UFO EVIDENCE