@SaraESpivey: When my ex worked out of town, he would take my vibrators away from me. Said I was cheating on him w/them. He shoulda taken his brother too.
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@BradBroaddus: My wife just opened my car door for me. Would have been a nice gesture had we not been going 70mph.
@MorganJ7: Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we should go out sometime Me flirting: So do you like bread
@E_lok44: I got my husband to watch Game of Thrones with me by telling him "Just wait. There's a good car chase comin' up"
@StephenBCramer: My dirty language got me suspended in school but many years later I get rewarded with stars and retweets, never give up on your dreams kids.