@Adar79Angie: When my family says things like...why don't you have kids yet? I say "Because I didn't get drunk & do the football team, Sasha."
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@david8hughes: "So what kind of comedy will you be doing for us?" "The usual, self defecating." "Ha, I think you mean deprecating." "Think all you like."
@CMHorrocks: These racing car drivers are making a lot of pit stops. You'd think they would have went before the race.
@ThoughtOtter: *hears crying* *finds baby in dumpster* *sees large box full of N64 games* *looks around* "You didn't see anything, baby." *takes box*
@DonQuickoats: The best way to respond to a limp handshake is to tickle their palm with your middle finger