@rickolantern: When my goldfish starts acting like a jerk I remind him that his bowl is microwave-safe
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@NervousJr: Don't feel like going to the gym? Go to all your ex's facebook pages and see who they're dating now. Then go to the gym.
@DevilryFun: Just once I want to wake up to something exciting. *Wakes up next to spider crawling on pillow.
@BritXNic: You can tell a lot about a man by the way he calls off the wedding and starts dating your brother.
@theroneman: Clyde: I'm looking 4 a partner. What's ur name? "Bonnie" C: That ur real name? "Nope. Jekyll Elizabeth Parker" C: ...Bonnie it is