@rickolantern: When my goldfish starts acting like a jerk I remind him that his bowl is microwave-safe
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@lacybronze1: I'm surprised more killers haven't lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
@CVTBaby: It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I'm back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
@knot_eye: Even though she's not Native American, my Wife always sends smoke signals to let me know when dinner is ready.
@Wine_Honey1: Note to self: Don't get so drunk and try to ride the zoo animals, no matter how friendly they are.