@sixfootcandy: When my husband annoys me I like to say, “The doctor said I need to lose 10 pounds. What do you think?”
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@dblackattack: It's nothing serious, we're not dating or anything, we just sometimes get brunch together, were just Friends with Benedict.
@HepatitisAtoZ: corny joke guy that everyone hates: "whats the difference between a piano and a fish? you can tune a piano but you cant- me: *pulls out my perfectly tuned sardine harp and begins to play Pantera's "Cowboys From Hell"
@david8hughes: "911? Help, my house is burning down!" "Sir, we're sending the fire brigade right now." "I HAVE ENOUGH FIRE I DON'T NEED A BRIGADE OF IT."