@sixfootcandy: When my husband annoys me I like to say, “The doctor said I need to lose 10 pounds. What do you think?”
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@Reverend_Scott: [rubs magic lamp] GENIE: You get 3 wishes "Anything?" GENIE: No wishin for more wishes "I wish for more genies" GENIE: I don't like you
@slytherinstef: So I didn't stab the idiot who knocked over my entire coffee- Does that sainthood thing start like right away or...
@AnkCoupleTO: [being stared at by a bunch of guys as I bathe in an airport washroom] can someone get my back please?