@STEELERS1972: When my laptop asks "Are you sure?", it's because it still remembers all of the other bad decisions I have made.
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@evildadatron: [first date questions] You like meat? I make killer beef jerky with leftover hobo carcasses...and she's gone Whatever she's probably vegan
@TheBoydP: Protip: If you're walking in your office taking deep breaths because someone made popcorn, don't forget to stop as you enter the restroom.
@samalmightysam: Hi, I'm your car's radio. I'll be playing terrible music during your trip, but once you get out of the car I'll play your favorite song.
@donni: Surprise parties are great. Depress your friend by pretending to forget their birthday, then terrify them briefly