@counterfeitingl: When my large dog wants to sit beside me but my other slightly less large dog already is, he just sits on top of him
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@WheelTod: [Outside ER] Cop: “Sir, can you describe the vehicle that struck you?” Me: “Absolutely. It was some kind of horseless carriage. A roaring metallic dragon with wheels instead of legs, with bright skin shimmering in the sunlight, passing foul vapors out its rear.”
@KKAlThani: *Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn't reply to my last 43 texts & then you tweeted about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?