@counterfeitingl: When my large dog wants to sit beside me but my other slightly less large dog already is, he just sits on top of him
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@hexprax: Coral is stupid in my opinion. You're a rock that can die? Sounds like the worst of both worlds but "you do you"
@ComedicBust: [walking into a mattress store] Me: [smiling too hard] Manager: You can't jump on the beds. Me: [no longer smiling]
@BlakWidowBarbee: Yoga is really kicking in. I'm seeing the definition in my arms and overall flexibility. My vibrator is gonna be really impressed.
@Cpin42: When I was 6 my cousin stole my boomerang. The next day his parents died in a car crash. Andy, if you’re reading this, I want my boomerang.