@KentWGraham: When my mother calls with a computer problem, I tell her to try shutting it off and turning it back on in 6 months.
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@thenatewolf: Ugh your paleontologist friend is coming? He's so boring! Don't worry, I have a plan to keep him distracted *pulls out seven layer dip*
@ingmarbirdman: space republicans decree: if alien lifeform implants a egg in ur face,u must carry it to term. perhaps wear a less enticing helmet next time
@RandomManik: Taco Bell is planning on doubling the 'meat' in their ingredients. Unlike Cadbury, they're informing us in advance.
@AndyAsAdjective: INTERVIEWER: what's your greatest strength? ME: shape shifting INTERVIEWER: is that so? INTERVIEWER: yes INTERVIEWER: holy shit