@KentWGraham: When my mother calls with a computer problem, I tell her to try shutting it off and turning it back on in 6 months.
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@iwearaonesie: wife: How was work? [flashback to me being asked to leave the meeting because I couldn't stop giggling after someone said "abreast"] me:Good
@ItalianBratikus: When I get calls from unknown numbers I panic, decline and then wait for the voicemail like I'm about to be murdered.
@toomanytoes: Judge: You need supervision. Me: [Imagines toasting toast at a slightly increased rate with laser eyes] YES! Do it now robed wizard.