@KentWGraham: When my mother calls with a computer problem, I tell her to try shutting it off and turning it back on in 6 months.
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@RackOfSteel: I was mowing the lawn and a frog just appeared out of nowhere and threw himself under the mower. Guess he wanted to Kermit suicide.
@myonlymizztake: Don't you hate it when you're planning someone's funeral, and they ruin it by coming into the room and talking to you?
@Bratterina: I dont mind splitting a bill on a date but if you ask me to work out the math part of it, then just get out my life buddy. I dont math for nobody.