@Amiigat: When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.
@dave_cactus: Plot twist: The Rock isn't Kid Rock's real dad.
@Dallani: My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
@TheToddWilliams: [murder trial]
LAWYER: So you unplugged your wife's life support for five minutes?
COMPUTER TECH: Sometimes that works.
@sannewman: Hey maybe the dark matter in the universe is actually all the money that is owed to freelancers.
@FunnyTunes: I firmly believe in homeopathy because they cure everything with alcohol.