@Amiigat: When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.
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@JessicaVarsity: I've watched three episodes of "I Shouldn't Be Alive" tonight, adding "outdoor enthusiast and survival expert" to my online dating profile.
@drinksmcgee: Apparently, using a french fry and an onion ring to simulate how I wanted the rest of the evening to go wasn't the most romantic move ever.
@jimmytorosian: Me: I just souped up my car Person: What kind of engine did you put in it? *cut to me filling my car with tomato soup* Me: Um... A fast one.
@ChrisScarlette: [pizza delivery] Girl: Is there an other way I can pay you? *bites lip* uh HELL YEAH! *pulls out phone* see that RT button?