@DoucheMcBaggus: When my son gets uppity, I like to remind him that I'm totally nailing his mom.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@NurseMurderer: My favorite part of eating alone at this trendy restaurant was when the waitress asked if I had cats because I had cat hair, "all over."
@WilliamAder: Vacationing Putin fished, hiked, swam, and wrestled a bear. Vacationing Trump rode a golf cart to his other golf cart.
@215potter: If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.