@iRowlf: When my son loses his 1st tooth, Im putting $1 under his pillow and a note that says "I'll be back with a hammer for the rest. -Tooth Fairy"
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@PleaseBeGneiss: ANT: hey did you find any food to bring back to the queen? SUPER FAT ANT: the who?
@JustDontBugMe: [Before Marriage] ME, looking into the mirror: ugh. my eyebrows are out of control, I need to get them waxed. HIM, placing a finger on the lips: shhh, you're still perfect. [After Marriage] HIM: GOOD GOD GROUCHO MARX!!!