@VaguelyFunnyDan: When my toddlers ask where mommy is, I explain that she's gone to heaven. That way they're super-excited when she gets back from the gym.
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@AdamTheLobster: I always see homeless people walking around with cups of change. I bet they could afford a house if they werent drinking money all the time.
@stonedcoldlazy: Obama just said that no one is listening to our phones..I wonder if he realizes that the LAST thing we do with our phones is make a call!