@Cheeseboy22: When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her a little and yell, "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!" People always clap when she wakes up.
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@AntozWolf: Give a man fish and you'll feed him for a day...... Give a fish a man and you're probably in the Mafia
@iwearaonesie: *runs into the back of wife's leg with the grocery cart for the 5th time* me: We meet agai- wife: Go wait in the car me: Ok
@Bry_Mac: An interracial couple eating Cheerios and non-English speakers drinking Coke. We're a Benghazi pizza commercial away from a Texas secession.
@oxygenplug: *you see a bear approaching* "quick play dead!" *bear runs up to you* "OH GOD. WHO DID THIS TO YOU. ANSWER ME. WHO DID THIS TO YOUUUU"