@McMcmadmac: When my wife got her tongue pierced I asked her why? She said To enhanthe the thektual thimulation.
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@stephenjmolloy: Security: Animals aren't allowed in this art gallery, sir. Me: It's my guide dog. Dog: Picasso, born 25/10/1881, was a Spanish painter...
@KevinFarzad: Fellas, here's a flirting tip: If a girl plays with her hair while taking to you, it means she has lice and you should stay away from her.
@kcmoore51: Me: What are your plans for tonight? 13: Think I'll hang out with you and mom. Me: Goddammit...uh I mean that's great.
@Overdue_Bills: Whenever my car won't start I open the hood so I can have a good look at all the things I don't understand.