@McMcmadmac: When my wife got her tongue pierced I asked her why? She said To enhanthe the thektual thimulation.
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@Carbosly: Gluten-free, low salt, no sugar all-natural whole grain bread? The only thing "natural" about this product is the urge to get away from it.
@sploosk: If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year
@KenJennings: Folks I'm seeing Trainwreck tomorrow night. Then after the GOP debate, I might go to the new Amy Schumer movie! Yeah, I went there
@Dutch_50: The Carpenters: Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Me: Those aren't birds. They're giant blood sucking mosquitos.