@McMcmadmac: When my wife got her tongue pierced I asked her why? She said To enhanthe the thektual thimulation.
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@QuintinForbes: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art not as nice as this time last year.
@WildeThingy: [electric chair] "Any requests for your final minutes?" "Yeh, I want the last episode of Lost explained." *acquitted on a technicality
@Cryptoterra: it says here you got fired from Olive Garden because you kept saying "pasta la vista, baby" to people. why would you put that on a resume
@XplodingUnicorn: The most disappointing moment of my adult life was when I found out a vaporizer is an e-cigarette and not a death ray that vaporizes people.