@McMcmadmac: When my wife got her tongue pierced I asked her why? She said To enhanthe the thektual thimulation.
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@Brianhopecomedy: I know I did a good job dressing my 3 year old when my wife doesn't have to tell everyone she sees that I dressed her.
@TylerLinkin: I saw an image of Jesus in my breakfast burrito. I asked myself, what would Jesus do? And so I ate him. Two hours later... Holy Shit!
@MelvinofYork: Shrink: How many true friends do you believe you have? Me: Define “true friend.” Shrink: Someone you feel you can tell anything. Me: 11,419.
@AaronNevins: You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.