@SortaBad: When my wife is out of town my sleeping position changes from 'balancing on edge of bed' to 'snow angel'
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@WritePlay: *burglar breaks in* *i reach into my nightstand drawer, get my phone, & take his picture* Burglar: No I have a double chin! Me: I'll post it
@drewjanda: Imagine a spider. Scary, right? Wrong. This spider is imaginary. Really makes you think
@RummyLauded: Ten: Number of fingers children have. Twenty-six: Number of fingers children have when you try to put gloves on them.
@rickygervais: I see Atheists are fighting and killing each other again, over who doesn't believe in any God the most. Oh, no..wait.. that never happens.