@TheGladStork: When my wife pisses me off, I get on her Pinterest and pin lots of mediocre shit, like cupcakes that just look like cupcakes.
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@Masquerage: I forgot my phone so I asked this guy what time it was. He said "time to get a watch" & laughed. So I kicked him in the balls. It was 6:30.
@zgbetty: The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
@tripeface: My neighbour knocked on my door this morning at 2:30am! Can you believe that 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums.
@joeljeffrey: I hate when I lose an argument and then seventeen years later I think up a witty come back.