@TheGladStork: When my wife pisses me off, I get on her Pinterest and pin lots of mediocre shit, like cupcakes that just look like cupcakes.
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@Momfia: The only reason an IKEA kitchen will last you 25 years is because it takes 23 years to put it together
@Vodkantots: "How much for the supermodel?" *winks seductively "Ma'am, that's a mirror and you appear to be having a stroke."