@TheGladStork: When my wife pisses me off, I get on her Pinterest and pin lots of mediocre shit, like cupcakes that just look like cupcakes.
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@bibbymoynihan: If you ever see me in a restaurant, please approach my table and do your Drunk Uncle impression. Especially if I'm with family or a girl.
@ArfMeasures: WIFE:Someone's broken in ME *grabs baseball bat*Wait here [downstairs] PAL:Can't u just tell her u wanna play baseball M: Keep ur voice down