@QuinOShea: When my wife said let's do something fun for our anniversary I had no idea she meant together. I'm a man not a mind reader. I forgive you.
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@samalmightysam: Some people are like water balloons; they're more fun when you throw them out the window.
@Dani_Feld: Relationship status: I just found a piece of chicken in my hair. I ate it. Then looked for more.
@joejwest: The worst thing about owls is the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.