@QuinOShea: When my wife said let's do something fun for our anniversary I had no idea she meant together. I'm a man not a mind reader. I forgive you.
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@BYGH: My Diaper Genie grants wishes, as long as you wish for a 40 pound bag of baby shit every week.
@AmericanGent69: Me: So I punch them in the chest but then I’m supposed to feel bad about it and kiss them? Worst self defense class ever. Instructor: ok yeah, so this is actually a CPR class.
@okimstillhungry: I see you have a tattoo that says "Only god can judge me." Buddy, you're not gonna believe what im doing right now.