@Tacet_no_more: When my wife says "I don't want to talk about it" that's woman code for you better put your life on hold for 2 hours & find out what "It" is
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@topaz_kell: "I can hear my annoying neighbor crying to Adele's new song as she throws away her empty, clinking beer bottles." - my neighbor
@Dadsbustednuts: I caught my employee sleeping on my office couch today. I didn't know if I should fire him, or tell him what I did on it last night.