@bigmacher: When my wife sends me to the grocery store solo with a specific list I am not allowed to improvise. That was made clear when I got home.
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@jergarl: Wife: Are you drunk? Me: I know this is a trick question so I'm going with no. Why? W: Because you're naked on the neighbors porch. M:...
@Brianhopecomedy: I told my wife that size shouldn't matter so she went out shopping and bought my "boys room" a new 4 inch TV.
@ManJuggs: The guy I’ve been paying to pick up poop in my backyard just realized that I don’t own any animals.
@Parentpains: It's actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she's not around to have it.