@koalaslament: when no one is looking, squirrels use donuts as hula hoops
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [police sketch artist interrupts me again] ok now you're definitely describing sonic the hedgehog
@NotChuckBarkley: First white Muslims in Boston, now a 7'0" gay black pro athlete. Narrow-minded conservatives everywhere are having a very confusing month.
@TheIronSherk: Working front desk at Motel 6 wasn't paying the bills so I started dealing meth to the housekeepers. It was an Inn side job.
@wesjohnson8: "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."