@9GAG: when nothing goes right... go left
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@Bob_Heller: "Sir... your family is dead. APRIL FOOLS!!!! Kidding!!! Your son made it! He's in a coma! OMG You shoulda seen your face!" - Worst ER doc
@StevenAndrais: Women Studies? im pretty good at studying women *leans against bookshelf knocking it over. Creates a domino effect that destroys t/ library*
@truegritrumble: ME: *trying to fit in* I ALSO don't fly. PENGUINS: *shuffling about while trying to keep their distance* ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the pen.
@Dorkstress: Cop: Ma'am, what's in the bottle? Me: Just some water. Cop: Ma'am that's wine... Me: Jesus did it again!!