@9GAG: when nothing goes right... go left
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@primawesome: Coworker who supports Trump: Big weekend plans? Me: Huge. My weekend plans are so big you won't believe it. No one has bigger weekend plans.
@NotARatsAss: My father could have the original copy of the Declaration of Independence on the counter, and still make a meatball sandwich over top of it.
@KimmyMonte: I just saw Beauty and the Beast and now all I want to do is live with a water buffalo and talk to my furniture