@cjwerleman: When Obama declared war on Ebola, an executive producer at Fox News tried to find it on google maps.
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@MsFoxIfUrNasty: I just heard a dad at the gas station talk to his kid in a creepy Emperor Palpatine voice. At least MY dad just yelled like a normal psycho.
@wickedsuga: I need your parent's phone number so I can call you & hang up when they answer. Cause if I'm gonna crush on you, I'm doing it old school.
@ImABaconDonut: 5: I went potty. Me: Did you remember to wipe this time? 5: No. Me: Why? 5: It's faster my way. I don't know how to counter that argument.
@heatherlou_: Planning on buying my daughter a Volvo so she’s safe but with a mismatched door so she gets the struggle.