@FunnyMojoJojo: When one door closes another one opens. ... Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that's how doors work...!!
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@jazmasta: *sits at bar and loosens tie after a tough day at the office* Bartender: Usual? Me: Make it a large one Bartender: One large milk coming up
@WilliamAder: Me: This "Fear the Walking Dead" show is really creepy. Wife: This is the Video Music Awards.
@dumbbeezie: Cashier: Next Me: Why are these fingerless gloves full price? Cashier: Oh shit it’s you again