@FunnyMojoJojo: When one door closes another one opens. ... Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that's how doors work...!!
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@BookishBunny: Pretty much the only time I WANT to hear about your ex is if she's standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I'm good.
@comer310: Hey gurl, were you taped to the inside of a birthday card from my grandmother? Cause you're a dime.
@weinerdog4life: The cops said 911 was for emegencies only and not for me to report suspicious looking clouds.
@markedly: MANAGER: You're hired! The pay is $200 per hour, plus benefits. The first thing you need to do is make a phone call to-- ME: I quit