@CulturedRuffian: When one door closes, another one opens which is also one of the first signs you probably have a poltergeist.
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@philyuck: "Vodka martini. Shaken not stirred." "So just the normal way you make a martini then?" "That's right."
@Donnie_Fairburn: "Son, hey son" Yeah dad? "Know why we named you Adopted?" *Sighs* Because I'm adop- "BECAUSE YOU'RE ADOPTED" Good one dad "I'm not your dad"
@AimeeHelene1: I love when I make people laugh so hard they spit out their water... Or food... Or baby...
@Carbosly: Apparently, saying "make it a double" followed by an awkward wink doesn't work at the pharmacy.