@Kennycruzin: When one squirrel says "I like to eat nuts", there is probably always another squirrel who says "that's what she said."
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@huntigula: Me: If Obi-Wan's clothes remained after Vader killed him, then why wasn't ghost Obi-Wan naked? My date: [to waiter] Check, please.
@extranapkins: Remember "pantsing" people in high school... sneaking up behind one of your bros and slipping an extra pair of pants on over his pants
@JessBWatson: I'm not sure what I did wrong but the pile of LEGOs left on the bath mat while I was in the shower seems like some kind of threat.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: "I need a home improvement loan." Banker: "What will you be using the money for?" Me: "A divorce lawyer."