@tastefactory: When parents say to kids "go to ur room & think about what you've done" it's really good practice for what you'll do every night as an adult
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@sarcasm_inc: Bouncer: Woah. Dress code Me: This is a suit B: Yeah, a chicken suit. *puts nugget in bouncer's pocket *pats it M: We good? B: Have fun, sir
@briangaar: DID YOU KNOW: If you don't eat animal products, you will take it out on everyone else forever?
@AnOrangeSNES: Apparently just because I have the "mind of a child" I'm not allowed to sit on a Santa's lap. Also it's "illegal" to carry a brain around.
@shawnries: Cars should have a thing where if you drive around with your blinker on for too long, they explode.