@Dawn_M_: When people are kissing in public, it's weird how angry they get when you try and join in.
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@TheTweetOfGod: "Why do bad things happen to good people?" To even out the good things that happen to bad people.
@Playing_Dad: Clark Kent: How's your lunch? Bruce Wayne: This soup is great. CK: don't BW: You could even say CK: please don't BW: It's Souper, man
@DaddyJew: Apparently when your boss asks if you're on drugs "which drugs?" isn't the appropriate response. I know this now.
@michaeljhudson: Prank: put a bucket of water on top of the door, then shoot your roommate in the stomach. When the cops come, they get soaking wet!