@mikeleffingwell: When people argue about sports and one says "Care to make it interesting" I assume they're going to start talking about something else.
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@Marcmywords2: Wore my hair in a ponytail to Walmart and 4 people asked me to defend them in Drug Possession Cases. Court starts Monday.
@TheBoydP: Protip: Never take your wife with you to your annual checkup. She will tell the doctor way too much about you.
@TheMichaelRock: Me: Sorry I got drunk and ate all the bacon. Wife: You ate Beggin' Strips. *me to the dog* Sorry I got drunk and ate all of your bacon.
@rzarosco: Ask a girl if she wants to dance. If she says yes then start shooting at her feet. Congratulations you are now Yosemite Sam