@Cheeseboy22: When people ask, "Don't I know you from somewhere?", I reply "Yes, we were best friends as children until you murdered my puppy."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@bobvulfov: WAITER: how was everything ME: [rubbing belly] so delicious. thank u WAITER: great. please stop rubbing my belly
@_chasing_amy: 9 just scolded me at the grocery for buying wine. I told him it was ok, I was 21 to which he loudly responded, Nooo, you're 38. Thanks son.
@captainkalvis: Him: how old are you? Me: *holding up fingers* this many Him: *frightened* t-twenty five?
@UnicornSyrup: Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"