@SarahMJade: When people ask me for directions Im just going to do a really slow sarcastic Macarena .
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@noog: *notices battery is at 4%* *goes into airplane mode* *turns down brightness* *exits all apps* *prays to jesus and compliments his sandals*
@robfee: I hate how everybody is acting like they love this new pope so much and they're such big fans but probably can't even name 3 of his songs.
@POTerritory: Him: You put feathers of a crow in this drink? Me: Yes, I made sure they all came from 1 crow. It's... Him: Please don't. Me: ...single molt
@Manda_like_wine: My 4yo just came into the living room, crying, "I don't want Santa to see me when I poo."