@MrFornicator: When people ask me if I'm working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they're hurting hard or hardly hurting.
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@sad_tree: *a dog sits down at a roulette table and pushes his life savings in chips to the center* Put it all on Grey
@Goofpoops: In case you were wondering, Taco Bell offers free wi-fi. Don't bother asking for the password, because it's totally "Cornhole Explosion".
@iwearaonesie: [playing hangman] wife: Pick a letter son: Does it have to be from the alphabet? me *gets up* wife *sound of his college fund jar breaking*