@nayomeewallace: When people ask me if I'm working hard or hardly working, I wanna punch them in the face and ask if they're hurting hard or hardly hurting.
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@hotsoccerchic69: my mom walked in when I was printing out a naked picture of a woman in 5th grade& we sat there in silence listening to the loud, 90s printer
@sickipediabot: Adele has announced that she will be singing the theme for the next James Bond film. Diet Another Day will be released in 2014.
@mdob11: A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.