@clintwebster: When people post about their 5 year olds, they're talking about wine right?
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@ceejoyner: The other guy on this cliff screaming at the sky just threw his wedding ring over which makes me feel less bad about losing my kite.
@QwertyJones3: ME: Hi I'd like to apply for a job as a contortionist "When can you come in for an interview?" ME: I'm flexible
@TheMichaelRock: Mall Santa: what do you want for Christmas? Me: drugs. Mall Santa *whispers* meet me in the food court in 20 minutes.