@clintwebster: When people post about their 5 year olds, they're talking about wine right?
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@clindsaysway: The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
@ThisOneSayz: Me: excuse me, but I can't taste the alcohol Clerk: all smoothies are non alcoholic here. Me: YOU SHOULDN'T CALL YOURSELF A BAR THEN!
@causticbob: Why does Batman wear a mask? Because the citizens of Gotham aren't morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis.
@jakob_huber: "What's your greatest strength?" Shadow puppetry "Seriously?" [interviewer presses intercom button] "Pat, please bring a flashlight in here"