@Adam14: When people say "Let's not get off on the wrong foot here", I reply "Please don't get off on either of my feet".
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@TheTweetOfGod: "Church of England Formally Approves Female Bishops". Congratulations British women! You can now move diagonally!
@FunkyFresh_79: Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Ketchup Cinco De Mustard Cinco De Siracha Cinco De Ranch Dressing
@internetluke: [last supper] Jesus (to Judas): so your facebook status said you were anxious? Anything u wanted to say Judas (sweating): no not really