@LurkAtHomeMom: When people say let's stop fighting and act like a family, that's where I get confused.
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@BromanConsul: "It doesn't say anywhere that you have to EAT them, you see," I explain to the Olive Garden waitress as my breadstick kingdom adds a library
@Beatonm5: Soon as I finish untangling these earphones I'm goin to google who made them & I'm going to ask them to invent shoelaces that tie themselves
@OfficeLinebcker: "If I eat my arm, I can't technically gain any weight" - my thought process after only 5 days of dieting. I'm doomed.
@paulablu22: Telling my daugthers date that "she has lice and its very contagious the closer you get to her." *Correct way to parent.