@LurkAtHomeMom: When people say let's stop fighting and act like a family, that's where I get confused.
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@cervixsmash: The person who invented marriage was creepy as hell like hey yo I love you so much I'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave
@dragnut: Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
@ericsshadow: 1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have 'lady problems' then start crying. It works even better for guys.
@greg_vee: If I'd know I only had 4 decent tweets in me when I started, I'd have spread them out a little more.