@Nrvous1: When people say "May I ask who's calling?" I like to say "Sure, go ahead."
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@brennadine: Therapist: So what happened in your last relationship? I lost him to addiction. Therapist: I'm so sorry. Drugs? Yes please.
@EndhooS: [Commercial for axes] [A lumberjack swinging a dead goat against a tree in the woods] *Turns to camera* "There has to be a better way?"
@lecalabara: You people that are getting laid regularly either need to keep that stuff to yourselves or be more descriptive.
@Bottle_of_Death: *Reads your tweets, vomits into a bucket, mails bucket to you*- see what you made me do?