@Nrvous1: When people say "May I ask who's calling?" I like to say "Sure, go ahead."
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@nickcreelman: Coworker: it's dark already Me: I know, Dan. I have eyes CoW: it's only 5 'o clock Me: I KNOW DAN CoW: it's early Me: THAT'S HOW EARTH WORKS
@AristotlesNZ: My stalker sucks. She needs to try harder. I always have to keep going & finding her. It's like I'm following HER around. It's ridiculous.
@Just_Lee_: My horoscope says I will meet the man of my dreams today. Not sure how my husband will take the news but I'm pretty damn excited
@timmartinwhy: WHAT I ORDER: French toast WHAT WAITER HEARS: If my water goes below the brim you die