@Sarcasticsapien: When people say things like "You can't change the past" I can't help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
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@SamGrittner: The government has officially replaced all measurements of time with fruit. More news at banana.
@CoolCamel69: [picking out a washing machine] how many watermelons can this hold? "uhh I dunno, 11?" only 11? *keeps walking to next one* how many waterme
@ShortWhiteNUgly: I make my children listen to people like Pink Floyd and Bob Marley so they learn the difference between Chris Brown and music.