@TheTweetOfGod: When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they've been lying.
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@copymama: My 8yo just reasoned that I should clean up the mess from her craft project because I was the one who suggested she do the craft project. Laziness level: expert.
@joejwest: ME: I think we're being followed DATE: Really? M: [checks rear-view mirror] Yep D: Wait you carry that around with you? M: Just keep walking
@AmericanGent69: Facebook Friend: I woke up at 3:30am so I could sneak in a 8 mile run. Me: I skipped showering so I could sleep an extra 15 minutes.
@MindyFurano: Flipped over my therapist's writing pad and it was just a New York Times crossword with "shut up" written in every blank.