@MCaparco: When people see ghosts, why aren't they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?
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@kibblesmith: The genie sang that whole song about how he's gonna be Aladdin's best friend ever right in front of the monkey
@AllyBallyBeal: Guy across the road can't get his truck started. Now he's rolled up his sleeves. That's how you start trucks. By rolling up your sleeves.
@lukeoneil47: I was 17 having dinner w new gf's parents. Pooped. 1st flush didn't take. I got nervous they'd hear a 2nd so I threw the turd out the window
@WhiskeySoured: Never judge a book by its cover. Besides, you're on Twitter and don't even read books.