@SamanthaRae49: When people show me pictures of their kids I show them pictures of my exes. If I have to look at their mistakes, they have to look at mine.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@shutupmikeginn: [Target cashier stares at my fingerless gloves] Ah, couldn't help notice you were admiring my hand vests.
@QwertyJones3: If you're in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
@theshamingofjay: Waiter: how do you want your burger? Me: *points to girl at another table not taking a picture of her dinner* that rare