@Sassafrantz: When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
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@badbanana: There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I'm supposed to stop reading the internet.
@funnybeachgirl: Friday night plans *break into plastic surgeon's office *put goldfish in the silicone implants *sneak away undetected *giggle like a maniac
@tastefactory: Student begins reading poem, teacher interrupts "No this is Creative WRITHING class" Other student squirms around on floor "Very good Todd"
@mattZillaaaa: "911, what is your emergency?" Yes I can't hear my television "Sir, this is not an emer-" Someone keeps screaming "HELP ME!!" next door