@Sassafrantz: When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
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@hazelmotes1: *Watches sad movie* Wife: I like happy endings. Me: me too, but you have to tip more. Wife:... Me: twitter would have liked it.
@Bexdora: [Facepainting Booth] Mum: Er...she wanted a butterfly... Me: I only do toads Mum: Well you should say that bef- Me: *taps "TOADS ONLY" sign*
@TheCiscoKidder: Mom: Some stranger keeps answering your land line. Me: That's because I haven't had a land line in 7 years, Ma.