@Sassafrantz: When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
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@shutupmikeginn: It's goofy when people pretend to zip their mouth closed to indicate keeping a secret. "Your secret is well guarded... behind a zipper"
@Reverend_Scott: [1st day working at bank] BOSS: What are you doing?? ME: I gave that man a personal loan. BOSS: YOU'RE THE JANITOR
@SuperJuanderer: What idiot called them swordfish instead of... oh, no, wait, actually that's pretty good.