@Elizasoul80: When people tell me I look like my mother, I assume they mean disappointed.
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@girlontapas: One of my personalities goes to the grocery store and buys healthy food... Now, I can't find anything to eat in the fridge.
@patnspankme: CW: What’s your middle name? Me: It’s Mike. CW: Oh. Well, what is your first name? Me: I don’t have one.
@cornlog: My son is screaming his head off in his room but there's no way I'm going in there if his monster reports are true.